Saturday Night Live wasted no time turning Jack Black’s big milestone into full-blown chaos.
Hosting for the fifth time on April 4, Black officially joined the show’s Five-Timers Club — or at least, what’s left of it. His monologue kicked off with Jonah Hill, who immediately warned that there was “something wrong with the five-timer’s club” as the pair stepped into the once-glamorous lounge… now covered in cobwebs.
Inside, Tina Fey was waiting — and ready to roast both the bit and the show itself. “You’re the first Black in the five-timers club,” Fey said, poking fun at the show’s long-running diversity criticism. (Dwayne Johnson became the first black five-timer in 2017, though the club has otherwise been overwhelmingly white.)
Black, taking in the dilapidated set, asked, “What’s become of this once-glorious place?”
“You know, it’s seen better days,” Fey replied. “What started off as a one-off joke in a Tom Hanks monologue has been brought back so many times, it has literally been run into the ground. For example, this is my fifth five-timers club sketch.”
“A double five-timer. Is that why you’re wearing that special jacket?” Black asked.
“No, this is actually my first-timer’s jacket from ‘SNL UK,’” she said, before adding, “I think it’s made out of Paddington.”
From there, the cameos just kept escalating. Candice Bergen popped in with a wild aside: “You know, I spent a night with Paddington back in 1700. Let’s just say we found something that he likes way more than marmalade.” And when Black looked stunned? “What? A bitch can party!”
Then Melissa McCarthy emerged behind the bar, lamenting, “Speaking of party, does anyone know where I can just get a drink? I can’t find one… All they got is warm cans of John Mulaney’s beer.” After Fey clarified, “Those are non-alcoholic, right?” McCarthy didn’t miss a beat: “Not if fill them with vodka,” before shotgunning one on the spot.
Even current cast got in on the bit, with Marcello Hernandez crashing the lounge in character — only for Black to call him out. “Have you even been on the show five times?” he asked. “Yes, if you count this one!” Hernandez shot back.
And because this is SNL, things got even weirder. Musical guest Jack White abruptly entered, took out Hernandez with a skillet, and immediately bailed. “Well, the five-time musical guests only get their parking validated for 15 minutes, so I have to move my hearse,” he explained.
At that point, Black decided there was only one way to fix the cursed lounge: “the power of rock.”
Teaming up with White, he launched into a parody of “Seven Nation Army,” complete with backup dancers and gloriously unhinged lyrics:
“I’m back hosting ‘Saturday Night Live’ for the fifth time / And if I don’t crush it it would be a crime / Everything about the lounge is broken and wrong / But I’m gonna fix it by singing the world’s most rockin’ song,” Black sang, before calling for “a choir of marching wizards.”
He kept it going:
“I’m gonna make it right / The five-timers army gonna lift the curse / We got Jack Black and White / He’s shredding on his axe while I sing the next verse / We got Melissa, Candice Bergen, Jonah Hill and British Tina Fey / It’s my nightmare blunt rotation and I think it’s gonna save the day.”
If the Five-Timers Club was on its last legs, Black at least made sure it went down swinging.
You can watch Black’s full opening monologue above.
